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I also burnt all his belongings and text him a photo. "He shouldn't have cheated on me, the bastard. I'd only found this out when we broke up. "I texted his mom telling her he smoked weed and took drugs. Harriet* did a similar thing after her first boyfriend cheated six months into their relationship. I asked for more information: radio silence. Heather* had a heartbreak threesome with two married (not to each other) men that she met at a house party - the house of which didn't actually belong to any of her friends. What I didn't anticipate was how hard it would be to persuade people to tell me their stories.
#Radio silence after breakup crack
**Read more: People Explain Their Reasons for **CheatingĪs someone who has only ever been through one brief and extremely tame split, in which I mostly just tried to unsuccessfully crack his Facebook password, I was curious about the more extreme ways in which others have reacted to heartache. "I mean, you are with one person a while, eating and sleeping and living with them, loving them, talking to them, going places together, and then it stops." It's that sudden, stomach-churning stop that can throw some of us flying, so that heartbreak isn't just the cliché tubs of ice cream and dying your hair blue, but spending $10,000 on a new set of teeth, or arranging to meet the person your ex cheated with just to chuck hot coffee over their top. "But if you are taking responsibility for winning them over that is not a role you want to play long-term."Human relationships are strange," Charles Bukowski once said.
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"If you know your partner is locked into negative feelings, extending some sort of olive branch once can be helpful," she says. People copping the silent treatment often try to win the person over, and feel further hurt when they don't succeed, Ms Shaw says.
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#Radio silence after breakup professional
"When it happens in domestic violence situations, it is generally part of a strategy of control and will often occur alongside other psychological and physically damaging behaviour, and you need professional intervention for this to change." Why people stonewall their partners "In relationships that generally seem to be safe, the silent treatment is an example of very poor emotional regulation and poor conflict management," Ms Shaw says. If you're in a relationship involving violence, the information in this article may not apply to you. If you're on the receiving end of the silent treatment and don't know what to do about it, this article is for you. It can happen in workplaces and friendship groups too, but we're focusing on romantic relationships. Please be warned, this article refers to psychological and emotional abuse that could be triggering for some people.Įven if the intent to hurt isn't there, she says the silent treatment can have "torturous and upsetting" consequences for the recipient, and becomes of real concern when it's repeated behaviour. "Stonewalling is under the heading of psychological and emotionally abusive things to do," says Elisabeth Shaw, CEO of Relationships Australia NSW. It can be used to avoid conflict, but it can also have more sinister motives - like control and punishment. The silent treatment, also known as stonewalling, is when a "listener withdraws from an interaction, refusing to participate or engage, essentially becoming unresponsive," explains John Gottman, world-renowned psychological researcher. They say silence is golden, but when it's your partner freezing you out, it can feel anything from awkward to devastating.